The Ties That Bind Us Should Not Break Us

I have been giving this phrase a lot of thought over the past few days. It has made me look at certain aspects of my life and weigh them carefully. It also has caused me to count the people who would truly miss me if my stay on this side of the dirt was finally cancelled.

I can only think of a handful of people who would actually miss me. Others may get sad, but it would pass as their personal gripes took over. I am not so delusional as to think I am so important that no one can fill my shoes, just the opposite in fact. This latter group would be sad but also upset about taking over my responsibilities. Is this an inherently human trait?

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I am sure to a degree, it very much is in some people. These are the ones that I refer to as having emotional constipation. I am the one who died yet they are the ones who act like their life has ended. I wonder if there is some kind of sickness in these people.

Granted, in this scenario, I am dead and past giving a damn what people think. I have to laugh about this as I do not care now. Unless you are in my incredibly small circle of people I love unequivocally, I may sympathize or even go so far as to empathize with your plight but unless your actions have shown me that you will give as much as you take, then I have zero interest.

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I know how cold hearted this sounds. Unfortunately, life has taught me many lessons the hardest of ways and I refuse to be a victim of poisonous people who are afflicted with constant emotional diarrhea. It is too exhausting and I always get burned.

I prefer to hand people rope. I do so in hopes that they can use it to strengthen their weak spots until enough time has passed and they are strong again. I even show them how to tie the knots so it will not unravel on them. The problem is that some people continue to take that rope and will turn on you the instant you do not have any more to spare. This has happened to me so often that my list of true friends is so small you would need a microscope in order to count them.

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Honestly, I prefer it that way. I do not require much to be happy. Give to me, I will give to you. I will do so freely without strings. I will even give without expecting to receive.  No obligation for reciprocation will be necessary or required. Gifts made out of true love do not come with strings attached or because you expect something in return. That is juvenile behavior and has no place in my life.

You know, I used the word victim earlier to describe myself. I hate it when I do that. I don’t think of myself is such terms. Yes, I have been betrayed, stabbed, punched, hit, kicked, and abused mentally by people who were supposed to love me. I don’t think of myself as a victim of their actions. I don’t even think of myself as a survivor either. I am just me. Yes, I endured some pretty terrible abuse. Yes, my spirit was broken a few times. I am not dealing with it now so why dwell on it. I picked myself up and even though it took a great deal longer than I would have liked, I moved on.

I could have lashed out at others because I was in pain. I could have gotten angry because no one was there to haul my ass out of the fire. What would I have learned that way? Not a damn thing. No one does anything unless they truly want to do it. Change only happens when we get fed up with the same thing and want more. No one can force you to change. You have to do it all by yourself.

So, are you the type of person who gives others rope without strings attached or will you only take and expect more? Be that better person and rise above the hardships of your life or continue to dwell in the past. The choice is yours. Still not sure. I’ll give you a hint. The first is the way to go. I might have a sweet face and a southern accent, but that does not mean I am dumb or naïve. It just means that I age well and can recite lines from “Gone with the Wind” with ease. As the title states, the ties that bind us should not break us. Again, the choice is and always be, ultimately yours.

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