Girls, Girls, Wait….What?

I recently wrote an entire article dedicated to the wacky pictures I found of guys on the internet. It was so much fun that I thought it would only be fair to do a Ladies Edition. As before, I shall make up a story to go with whatever I find. Enjoy!

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I have stared at this picture for twenty minutes. It is fifteen kinds of awesome. I hope that I live as long as these ladies so that I can do whatever I want and give zero cares. Can you imagine the shenanigans these three get up to after a long week? I bet they could put their younger counterparts to shame. I will just stand in awe of you three.

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Are you tired of the dating scene? Have you been browsing pet stores and animal shelters looking for that perfect starter cat? If you are like Ilene here, the crazy cat lady is so yesterday. Step up your old maiden for life game with this magnificent outfit. Flash the pizza guy your goods and get that Senior discount! Forget to put on panties? No problem. This great new get up comes complete with old lady bush. Don’t forget those sagging boobies. Use them to fend off bag snatchers. One good slap to the head with an old booby and they will think twice about messing with you. Just be mindful of those house shoes. I hear they lead to falls in which you are unable to get up. They must have special weights that get activated if you go catawampus.

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After a long night partying at the Bingo Hall, Ethel and Margaret decided to paint the town beige with their hot young dates, Bartholomew and Winston. Somewhere along the way, they lost their two gentlemen callers. The guys were last seen riding the Merry-Go-Round in the park, taking turns yelling at each other to slow down. Meanwhile, these two wild ladies could get no further than the retirement parking lot before the crazy night caught up with them. Don’t worry, folks. They will be back next Tuesday night raising a ruckus. I do hope they meet up with the ladies from the first picture. That would be one hell of a sight to see, my feathered friends. Go get em ladies!

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Poor Sally. Her mother always said she was a sweet but naive girl. One of her friends came by on a Sunday afternoon raving about the latest calendar to hit her father’s garage. It featured the dreaded “Pin up girls”. All of Sally’s friends gasped in shock. So did Sally, but unfortunately she had no idea what a pin up girl was really.  Later that night after watching her mother take down the laundry she got an idea. She could shock her friends and take one of those naughty pictures herself. Excited to show off her new found naughty side, Sally showed the picture above to her bewildered friends. As you can see, poor Sally still has no clue.

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Have you stared at your grandmother’s curtains and thought, “I want to make oven mitt boots out of those.” Your grandmother eventually gives in and lets you do just that. It is your big day and you leave the house in your new footwear. There is only one problem. You forgot how to wear a shirt. How embarrassing! As you struggle to get it off your head, your hands become trapped in the sleeves. You just cannot win today. You cannot see but you hear a tons of people all around you. Deep down, to stave off your embarrassment, you start doing a little turn like you’re on a cat walk. Unfortunately, you get your shirt in its proper place just in time to drop down into an open manhole. Some days it just doesn’t pay to leave the house. strange-things-that-only-happen-in-russia

Remember Bartholomew and Winston? Well, Rose Marie did not take too kindly to Ethel and Margaret shanghaiing her men. With the help of her trusty side kick, Veronica, life at the retirement home just got real. Don’t worry., the guns are  props from her movie days of yesteryear and Veronica is a certified nurse. I wonder if Ethel and Margaret will wee themselves a little when they wake up to Rose Marie’s little surprise? Depends, right?

 

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